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Include Power Words to Create an Empowering Life

April 1, 2012

Sometimes we long to try something new or a different approach than we’ve used in the past but we hesitate in taking action. We come up with a lot of reasons why we shouldn’t try a new approach or explore something new.

The most crippling failure disease is excuses. Instead of always making up excuses, focus on using the two most power-filled words “I Can”. The mind loves to hear empowerment words. Your self-esteem loves to hear “I Am” statements such as “I am successful”, “I am happy”.

It isn’t always easy to stop making excuses and courageously take action on something new. Here are a few tips I have shared with clients when they want to discover something new or explore a different approach:

  • Avoid thinking “I can’t” or “I won’t”. “I Am” statements manifest in your life faster than “I Wish” or “I Want” statements.
  • Remove the thought “I can’t do this because…” Instead, ask yourself “What if I COULD do this…..” Imagine yourself living your dram…NOW. Create all that you see in your mind.
  • If you are feeling despair, know that despair can rob us of all hope, when there is no hope, there is no light and the soul gives up. Choose to live without despair, we are what we think; allow your positive thoughts to override any despair.
  • There may be roadblocks along the way, allow them to provide feedback to you, observe, keep going and view the roadblocks as tools for your growth.
  • View any obstacles on your paths as personal growth opportunities and keep moving forward even when you don’t know the outcome, this can allow your faith to grow.
  • Difficulties and challenges allow us the opportunity to experience courage. You can find your courage within yourself, rely on your inner strength and guidance.
  • You want to use empowering words that help you feel strong, uplifted, positive, inspired and optimistic.

Using power-filled words over time can allow your attitude, actions and behavior to inspire and empower you in the pursuit of your dreams. Do you have favorite power-filled words? Feel free to share!

© 2011 Nancy Hovde Read more Inspiration in Nancy Hovde’s Uber Empowerment Books.

Posted in Achievements, Authentic, Empowerment, Inspiration, Mind-Set | Leave a Comment »

Perseverance Brings Positive Results

January 25, 2012

Despite early setbacks, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. persevered and initiated change. Like King, if at first we don’t succeed, we should try and try again.

As I was walking out of South Bay Galleria, I overheard a child discussing a school project with his mother. He was explaining how much he admired Martin Luther King Jr. because he carried out his plan—even when the going got tough.

Many of us have an appreciation for Dr. King, and we know that if he were here today, he would encourage us to persevere as he did over a generation ago.

Last week, we looked at how assumptions can sometimes cause misunderstandings, confusion and undue stress—which can make us feel discouraged and keep us from reaching our goals or strengthening relationships. It takes perseverance to avoid making assumptions and achieve what we want in relationships and life success.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine while dining at Mama Terano in Rolling Hills Estates about perseverance. Over time, it can either be more challenging or easier to continue our goals with perseverance based on past experiences. Negative experiences may limit the amount of perseverance within; however, if we choose to learn the lesson from a challenging experience then we will be better equipped to take on our future goals.

When striving for a new goal, one of the most challenging obstacles may be bearing the difficulties calmly and without complaining. Limit assumptions and allow perseverance to inspire you to achieve the results you want. Here are a few tips:

  • When something starts to bother you, wait as long as you possibly can before giving into frustration or losing your temper. Expressing our feelings in a tactful way is important. Write about past challenging situations that you overcame in your journal. What were your feelings at the time?
  • If something does not seem to be working properly, give it another try. And another! Don’t give up so easily. Adopt the motto “Always finish what you start” and allow this to motivate you to completion.
  • Do you always get annoyed or lose your patience with a specific person? Take a moment to try to understand the person’s behavior. Use this as an opportunity to work through a challenge instead of trying to avoid or escape it.

Through his commitment, hard work, patience and perseverance, Dr. King achieved great things. Like Dr. King, sometimes we must try again and again to reach our goal.

Find more inspiration in my Uber Empowerment Books. Get a sneak peek at some of my Uber Empowering Quotes in this video and you will find more empowerment quotes in my books.

Posted in Achievements, Empowerment, Goals, Inspiration, Perseverance, Success | 1 Comment »

Make Your First Meetings Count

November 9, 2011

A first meeting can make or break a relationship, whether it’s business or personal. Here’s how to make a good impression.

Think of all the first meetings you’ve ever had—a future employer, new friend, teacher, principal, attorney, even the owner of one of the beach city shops. Maybe you are in sales, in business for yourself or are just someone who finds it pleasant to connect with those in your community. Let’s face it—life is more fulfilling when we can make a good impression and make encounters more meaningful, significant and memorable.

First meetings offer so much to learn about someone new and what opportunity this new connection could lead to. No matter the type of first meeting, be it for business or personal, keeping an open mind, approaching with curiosity and most of all, trusting our vibes about someone new, is key in creating and building a positive long-term relationship. Sometimes we may be wrong, misjudged or have incorrect information or worse yet, we were misinformed. Certainly, certain events may happen that can change our initial prediction of how we thought a connection or relationship may develop. We learn and grow from this and we become more aware for other first meetings.

I like to meet with everyone who is referred to me or seems to be doing something relevant to my world. I’ll also meet with people I think are interesting. Many of the projects I have been involved in have come out of random meetings.

Depending on the situation, presenting ourselves the first time can be nerve-wracking or exciting. I can recall those nervous first meetings with future employers, the principal of a new school or someone’s parents.

How do you feel in a first meeting? Shy? Self-conscious? Excited? Do you find yourself comparing, searching for a connection or trying to show interest? Maybe you are purely open and approach the first meeting with simple curiosity.

Have you ever had a first meeting and found someone who was very unprepared? Or worse yet, perhaps you felt unprepared? This can cause us to become impatient. Avoid this—it’s easy to do a little work in advance to figure out the other person’s interests.

Here are some tips that will help to create a memorable meeting and a strong, business or personal connection:

  • First, determine the No. 1 thing you want to communicate with this person. Many times a first meeting may be to talk about yourself and your current activities. Most people can probably handle one—maybe two—areas of focus during a first meeting, so it’s important to lead off with the one thing you want to accomplish within the meeting. If you find you are two minutes into a meeting and still have no clue why you’re speaking with the person, politely ask, “What do you want to get out of this meeting?” This offers a simple hint: cut the chit-chat and focus. It isn’t being rude; it is being efficient, so you can make the time together useful for both of you.
  • Try not to make a first meeting an endless stream of attempts to connect with someone. For example, if you discuss the other person’s activities such as running, reading or their vacation home in Europe, make sure it’s relevant to the meeting’s topic. This especially applies to those first business meetings. Most people can focus 100 percent of their energy on you for about 15 minutes—so make those first 15 minutes count.
  • It can be helpful and effective to have one thing in your head that you think this new person can learn from you. Keep in mind that regardless of the outcome of a meeting, you can view it as a success if you learn one thing. If your meeting isn’t going anywhere after ten minutes, you may have to be subtle and announce, “Wow, I’ve got five more minutes left, I’d like to really see how we can network.” It helps, of course, if you know what you want this new person to learn from you, and it relates to what they care about.
  • Remove your ego. Share what you do—not your title, employer or financial status. It may be a shock to realize this, but for most people, your title, company name or financial status will mean very little—it’s what you do in your company and in life that makes you interesting. Start by describing the primary benefit that your work, intention or value offers to your listener, in a few punchy action words that support your true reason for meeting.

Never underestimate the power of first meetings. Within minutes, we quickly determine whether we want to spend more time building a business or personal connection with a new person. No one wants to waste his or her time, so your pre-meeting prep work will help make your next first meeting count—and it may lead to a wonderful, unexpected opportunity!

I would love to hear how you make a good first impression.

You can read more inspiration in my Uber Empowerment Books.

Posted in Achievements, Empowerment, First Meetings, Goals, Impressions, Inspiration, Mind-Set, Success | Leave a Comment »

Adjusting to Life’s Changes

October 31, 2011

As I relaxed and enjoyed my smoothie at St. Honore Bistro Caffe in Lunada Bay Plaza, I reflected on how the fall season can be so enlightening. Ever notice how the trees do not seem to hang on to their leaves but embrace the cycle of change? It is as if the trees know that newer leaves can only come about if they are first willing to let go of the old leaves. Trees simply grow; they go through one cycle after another without any resistance.

When we’re in a happy situation and life is going along smoothly, it is important to appreciate that time of joy. While we shouldn’t live in anxiety, fearing that our happiness will be pulled out from under us, knowing that everything changes will keep us from being caught off-guard. A completely unexpected change may throw us for a short time, but we soon recover because we know we can eventually adapt.

When Plan A doesn’t seem to be happening or working out right, how fast do we adapt to Plan B? I’m not referring to huge, sweeping and life-encompassing situations, but those small changes that we can learn to cope with easily.

Some people are able to organize their thoughts in ways that generate appropriate and positive actions. Adaptive abilities are necessary as changes occur within our circumstances and us. Adaptive behavior includes skills that allow us to be flexible when change occurs in our personal lives.

When we are adaptive, we react to unexpected events in creative or constructive ways. We can learn to be adaptive and refocus our mind in new directions and make choices based on the desired outcome. When we are open to change, we know it is the set of the sail that matters—not the direction of the wind.

Here are a few tips on how to adapt to change:

  • Look beneath the surface. Welcoming challenges allows you the opportunity to grow wiser and more skillful. Perhaps someone you know has successfully dealt with the same situation? Seek out a conversation with someone you trust. Even circumstances that seem most frustrating carry within them a new blessing, and when you search for the blessing, you will usually find it. This can be very enlightening.
  • Staying in the present moment can help you conquer any fear. It’s far too easy for your mind to get caught up with regrets about the past or worries about the future. I have found that when I have moments of self-doubt, I focus only on whatever I am doing at the moment. I realize this moment is all I have right now—I may as well enjoy it!
  • Try to reflect on some of the past changes you’ve gone through in your life. Include both the positive outcomes and the negative ones. Regardless of your past, it’s likely that you’ve learned an important life lesson. You may actually want to seek change. I have found that when I keep my life stagnant, I seem to lose out on many important life experiences that offer valuable life lessons.
  • Did you know that writing down your innermost thoughts provides a similar release as confiding with a close friend? Change can be scary, but if you provide yourself with a way to conquer the fear, you can find the courage within you.
  • With a willingness to find positive solutions or outcomes, try to compromise and find ways around problems or situations brought about by change. But, never just give up without proactively trying to manage the situation to your advantage.
  • When you move forward with a change in your life, think it through in a positive way. Instead of thinking about what could go wrong, picture it all going right.

Recognizing that everything eventually changes also provides some evenness to our lives. We’re not riding an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows—everything averages out in the end. We’re grateful for and appreciate the good times, but we don’t let the bad times drag us too far down. Change seems to find us one way or another, and we can learn how to go with the flow and how to let go. It may seem challenging at first, but learning how to better adapt to change can improve all aspects of our lives.

Read more inspiration in my Uber Empowerment Books.

Posted in Achievements, Authentic Self, Change, Empowerment, Independence, Inner Wisdom, Inspiration, Intuition, Learning, Mind-Set, Success, Values | 1 Comment »

Remember These Memory Tips

October 26, 2011

Do you ever have difficulty remembering something?  I often catch myself saying, “Don’t forget to…” Recently, I am practicing saying, “Remember to…” instead—as in, “Remember to pick up eggs on the way home.” The positive reinforcement helps my memory.

Speaking of memory, many of us keep a to-do list, which can be a great help—but what about those times when we want to recall someone’s name next time our paths cross?

I recently saw an acquaintance at Ralphs in Rancho Palos Verdes. It had been quite some time since we had seen each other. She remembered my name, but even though I rarely forget a name, I couldn’t remember hers. As we stood in line and chatted, I was hoping her name would come to mind. As luck would have it, I asked her what was new in her life, and she told me she had accepted a new job.

As we were leaving, she handed me her business card. I took advantage of the opportunity to glance down at her card as we were saying good-bye and said, “It was a pleasure to see you again, Cindy.”

As I was driving home I told myself that I would remember her name. I recalled a game I used while growing up to remember names. I have always loved music, so I would often tag a person’s name with either a catchy pop song, a famous rock star’s name or even an actress or actor. For example—when I meet someone named Jane, I recall the song “Sweet Jane.” I won’t confuse Jane with June next time I meet her.

It can help to have a visual tag with a person’s business card; the logo or seeing the person’s name spelled out can help cement a memory.

When I don’t have a business card or see the name written out and I’m meeting someone new, I will often ask how she spells her name. Cindy could spell her name a few different ways by using an I or a Y—Cyndi, Cindy or even Cindi. Once I am informed, I can mentally hold the image of her name spelled out in my mind.

The brain’s incredible ability to reshape itself holds true when it comes to learning and memory. We can enhance our ability to learn new information and improve our memory. Here are some tips:

  • The physical act of rewriting information can help imprint it onto your brain. Even if you’re a visual learner, read what you want to remember out loud. If you can recite it rhythmically, even better.
  • Focus on the new information you are hearing or reading for the first time. You can’t remember something if you never learned it, and you can’t learn something if you don’t pay enough attention to it. Some people are easily distracted. If you’re one of those people, I suggest choosing a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.
  • Relate new information to what you already know. Connect new data to information you already remember, whether it’s new material that builds on previous knowledge or something as simple as an address of someone who lives on a street where you already know someone. For more complex material, focus on understanding basic ideas and practice explaining the ideas to someone else in your own words.
  • Review what you’ve learned the same day you learned it and in intervals thereafter. This helps retain what you’ve learned.
  • Treating your body well can enhance your ability to process and recall information. Just as an athlete relies on sleep and a nutrition-packed diet to perform his or her best, your ability to remember increases when you nurture your brain with a good diet and other healthy habits.
  • When you’re sleep deprived, your brain can’t operate at optimal levels. Creativity, problem-solving abilities and critical thinking skills are compromised. Whether you’re studying, working, or trying to juggle life’s many demands, make sleep a priority.

Whether we’re a student studying for final exams, a working professional interested in doing all we can to stay mentally sharp, or a senior looking to preserve and enhance our mind as we age, a good memory helps.

Read more inspiration in my Uber Empowerment Books.

 

Posted in Achievements, Aging, Authentic Self, Empowerment, Mind-Set | Leave a Comment »

What Did You Learn Today?

September 27, 2011

Whether it’s a physical lesson or a mental one, it’s easy to learn something new every day. Each day offers an opportunity for you to learn something new about yourself. Reflecting on what new thing you’ve learned each day creates more awareness about yourself, someone close to you, your environment or your community.

Learning deepens our character and makes us more intriguing to those around us. We become more confident. Learning provides an understanding of the historical, social and natural processes that impact and limit our lives.

Each day you can ask yourself if there was new information you learned. Perhaps there was a lesson you learned about yourself or someone else? We should ask ourselves what we learned at the end of each day, and by doing so, we will grow and develop. If we’re aware of what we’ve learned, we can avoid repeating the same mistakes and continue to practice what works.

My curiosity inspired me to ask some friends what new thing they learned today. I found their answers helped open up a deeper awareness and appreciation for learning something new in what can seem like just another simple, ordinary day. Maybe you will, too. This is what I heard and learned about them:

  • Digging nails out of a deck to replace them with deck screws gives you blisters!
  • I like to challenge myself daily in one of my favorite subjects: History. I also love spelling, grammar and literature, so I also try to learn something new every day in this area as well.
  • Don’t stand in direct sunlight when it’s 106 degrees out.
  • I learned again what amazing animals horses are, and how they can make my heart soar when I share my time with them! My daughter and I went on a trail ride with her horses, and it was amazing.
  • To challenge myself is better than to challenge others.
  • The more you surround yourself with like-minded people, the stronger you will become.
  • I am unique. There is no one like me, and I should embrace my uniqueness and difference in thoughts, feelings and opinions instead of trying to blend into the crowd.

Try to really listen to a lecture, a spouse or even the lyrics of a song. Active listening promotes learning every single time we practice it. Great public speakers are engaging because they listen to the feedback they get from the audience, and they respond to it accordingly. Active listening to music or nature will help you tune in and teach you something new about the sights and sounds we often take for granted.

What did I learn today? As I ate my sushi at Asaka, I was reminded that one of the most enjoyable ways to learn new things is by taste. It can be as simple as sampling a new type of coffee or espresso. Taste and texture generate long-lasting memories.

You just might be surprised how much you learn each day. Begin to take the ordinary events of a day and extract the most valuable learning experiences from them. Keep a journal documenting daydreams, thoughts, experiences and stressful times and you will become more aware of the knowledge you gained from each.

Want more Empowerment & Inspiration? Read my Uber Empowerment Books available on Amazon.

Posted in Achievements, Authentic Self, Empowerment, Independence, Inner Wisdom, Inspiration, Intuition, Learning, Mind-Set, Success | 1 Comment »

Use Your Imagination to Solve Problems

September 18, 2011

Our imaginations may give us the ability to temporarily escape reality, but they can also help us work through thorny issues.

We all use our imagination, whether consciously or unconsciously. We use our imagination whenever we plan a home improvement project, a vacation or a project at work. Have you noticed how you use your imagination when you describe an event, give directions, write or cook? Everything that has been achieved has been brought into existence is the result of the human imagination.

Imagination is much more than simple daydreaming; in fact, it can be of great value in our lives. A developed imagination does not make you a daydreamer or procrastinator. A strong imagination strengthens your creative abilities, and is a great tool for recreating the circumstances and events you would like to see in your life.

Imagination is a creative power that is necessary for inventing and designing a dress or a building. When I was at Dion Gallery in Redondo Beach, I realized how powerful the imagination could be for many artists. An author myself, I know the imagination provides an infinite source for imaginative thoughts when writing a book. The creative power of imagination can be an important part in the achievement of success in any field. What we imagine with trust, faith and feelings comes into being.

Imagination can help us acquire knowledge through the mental formation of concepts, images and sensations. It can help us with creativity and can be a tool to serve as a response to our personal intentions. Use creative thinking to help you decide how to put together the pieces of a project. This can be especially helpful during business meetings.

On the other hand, imagination can serve as a means of escape, transporting ourselves into a special realm where we might feel very comfortable and relaxed. Children use their imagination like this when they play dress up, portray characters and mimic various scenes that they have read in fairy tales or have seen on television.

Everyone has the potential to develop a powerful, creative imagination. For some of us, it may be highly developed, and in others, it may manifest in a weaker form. Here are some tips to put into practice and grow your imagination:

  • It might be easier for some of us to see mental pictures; however, Imagination does not need to be limited to just seeing pictures in the mind. You can include all the five senses. Try to imagine a sound, taste, smell, a physical sensation, a feeling or an emotion. Training your imagination gives the ability to combine all the senses. This can be very enlightening.
  • Start thinking about writing a story or music. Keep your mind open for opportunities—new angles, plots, characters or melodies and take notes to expand the story/song over a period of time. Refine the story if you want to. When you allow yourself to take your time, new ideas will pop out of your subconscious as you think about it. Remember, this is your creation; you can do anything you want with it.
  • Look deep into any problem you face and imagine different solutions. Try new paths—don’t accept the status quo. If you fail at one task try another approach.
  • Don’t brush aside inspirational thoughts and ideas that pop into your mind. Try visualizing these ideas and plan how you will bring them into existence. Let your mind go—the sky is the limit. Always carry a small notebook or write a note into your iPhone when you have these creative, inspirational random thoughts.
  • Be curious about everything—the world is full of amazing wonders for you to learn about. Enjoy the scenery. I find that sometimes a nice run, walk or even a drive along Paseo del Mar in Palos Verdes helps me to relax, enjoy the view and opens my mind to creative solutions and new ideas. These wonders will become your source for memories and ideas that you can use when needed. Keep developing your natural interests and unique talents. Learn as much as you can about these personal interests and improvise.
  • Build upon and refine the ideas of other people. Always be on the lookout for new innovations that you can improve upon. When a new product or device is invented, consider how it might be improved. Technology becomes more user-friendly, faster and effective. This goes for any product—there is always room for improvement. Even if you’re idea seems like a crazy solution, write it down anyway. It may turn out to be a good idea.

Imagination makes it possible to experience a whole world inside the mind. You can use your imagination to look at any situation from a different point of view, even the past and the future. With your imagination, you can travel anywhere without any obstacles. It can make you feel free from difficulties and unpleasant circumstances. Understanding how to use your imagination effectively and putting this knowledge into practice can help you reach success, fulfillment and happiness.

Read more inspiration in my Uber Empowerment Books available on Amazon.

Posted in Achievements, Authentic Self, Empowerment, Imagination, Inner Wisdom, Inspiration, Intuition, Mind-Set, Success, Values | Leave a Comment »

Turn Frustration into Faith

September 10, 2011

On days when life gets rough, use these tips to overcome frustration and move back on track.

It is easy to get frustrated when you have a day filled with things that are not going right. Yesterday, my air condition stopped working in my car. Today, my laptop decided to take a rest or have a sick day and now refuses to boot up. A document I wrote didn’t get saved, and I had to retype it. Perhaps for you, you find yourself getting frustrated when you are stuck on the 405 Freeway or you can’t get your newborn baby to stop crying.

I decided to take a break from the chaos and spend some time in nature. I took a walk on The Esplanade. Smelling the ocean, feeling the sun on my skin and moving my body seemed to have a fast effect, shifting my perspective—or maybe in this case, my attitude—to a more positive place. I realized I had a choice: I could continue my day feeling overwhelmed with frustrations, or I could allow the frustrations to strengthen my faith that all would be well.

I’m not saying this was easy, but it certainly felt more empowering. Frustration happens when we feel we need something, and we can’t seem to find a way to fulfill that need. We want things to go smoothly; when things don’t, we become discouraged and frustrated.

Here are some tips to help turn your frustrations into faith and empower you during life’s challenges:

  • Try using fresh optimism, which can help revitalize your energy. This is the type of fantastic energy that gets you motivated, makes you focus forward and reminds you about the limitless potential and possibilities that lie within you. You can gain fresh optimism on your own or by talking to a variety of positive people in your life—be it a mentor, sibling or friend.
  • Recognize if your frustration is coming from a place of fear. Realize you always have a choice. You are empowered to accept, reject or redirect whatever comes your way.
  • You can feel calmer and more peaceful when you recognize that you are feeling frustrated because something isn’t moving as fast as you would like. Know that everything happens for a reason and in the right time.
  • When you find yourself in a situation or with a challenge that just seems too big for you to climb, know that you have support. Reach out to positive people in your life and share your concern. How many times have you been there for someone who felt they were not going to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but your encouragement helped your friend to go above and beyond?
  • Take a break. Take time out. I did. Take a walk. Get out in nature. Be by yourself. This will help clear your head and put things into perspective. Shake off the frustrations by going for a run, walk or any other type of physical movement.
  • A coffee break with a friend can help, too. Talk it out and hear a fresh perspective. This can shed some light on a new approach for you to try or help you view things from a different perspective.
  • Write down your frustrations in your journal. (You knew this one was coming; I’ve suggested it before.) Writing out your disappointments, challenges and frustrations allows you to express your true feelings and emotions in a healthy way. Writing about the circumstances you are dealing with also allows you to look outside yourself and gain a fresh view and possibly create a new solution.
  • Whatever the frustration you are dealing with, give up the victim mentality. It is easy to want to throw in the towel and quit. Don’t. Frustration often occurs because things seem too difficult for us to handle. Perhaps it is because we feel we don’t have the skills, knowledge, or techniques necessary to have what we want. This can be the perfect opportunity to view what frustration can provide: new opportunities to grow and to gain self-empowerment. Remember that life happens to everyone; others have gone through similar situations; and somehow you will get through this, too.
  • Tap into your creative side. Tinker or dabble with some of your projects such as painting, home improvement projects, gardening, cleaning or listening to music. Focusing on something creative will help you feel better almost instantly and will allow you to reconnect with your core self.
  • Change your mindset. Believe that you can handle all your frustrations with empowerment and in a positive way. Imagine yourself achieving your desired outcome. Picture yourself handling the situation with calm and ease. You might not know all the steps of exactly how you will solve the situation, but don’t let that stop you. You can still take the time to visualize and feel yourself being successful.

A positive mindset will inspire you to keep moving forward with empowerment and faith. You can keep moving forward with empowerment in my book Uber Empowerment.

Posted in Achievements, Authentic Self, Change, Empowerment, Failure, Goals, Healing, Holistic, Independence, Inspiration, Mind-Set, Success | Leave a Comment »

Define Yourself Through Your Core Values

August 27, 2011

Do you often find yourself questioning or thinking about day-to-day issues differently than you usually do? This is listening to your inner guide. Whether or not we realize it, we all have a set of personal core values.

While we were having a conversation at H.T. Grillin Redondo Beach, a friend of mine confirmed this. He said that although everyone in his family is a doctor or dentist, he knew his purpose and passion was in sports marketing. He pursued this and is living a successful and fulfilling life.

Most of us have lived our lives doing what is expected of us by society. Each of us learns from what surrounds us; however, we have to ask ourselves whether what we learn really affects our own personal values. Often we can feel conflicted when it comes time to make customary decisions about personal preferences, time and money. When we take the time to process what is really important to us, we can live a life by what we truly believe in.

Values are traits or qualities that are considered worthwhile; they represent your highest priorities and deeply held driving forces. Out values are influenced by everyone we know and everything that has happened to us in our lives, including parents, friends, peers, your reading, religion and more.

When we live by our values, our lives become those of our choosing and not directed by the decisions of others. Our values help us build and maintain our identity as unique individuals. Having well-defined personal core values helps us avoid making choices that work against who we want to be. Our values become a clear set of guidelines for our words and actions, consistently moving us in the direction aligned with our highest priorities.

There are many benefits of living by our own core values:

  • When you seek alignment between your words and actions you will feel more fulfilled. Far more important than just articulating your deepest values is demonstrating them. When your values and integrity are in alignment, you will feel fulfilled. Over time, solid neural pathways develop that stimulate certain attitudes and habits, which produce seemingly instinctual “right” actions. These actions are not based on animal instinct; right actions result from human desire and practice.
  • Reduce stress and prevent discontent, conflict, frustration and lack of fulfillment by consciously choosing the values by which you want to live. If living a healthy lifestyle is important to you, you will want to consciously choose to eat healthy, exercise daily, ensure you have quality sleep and manage your stress by maintaining balanced life.
  • You will find you make better decisions in times of confusion or conflict. The main benefit of knowing your values is that you will gain tremendous clarity and focus. By defining a list of personal values that are truly your own, you’ll be better prepared to make decisions. You’ll focus more on what matters. Discovering your values improves the results you get in those areas that are truly most important to you.
  • Your personal core values should encourage you to fulfill your purpose in life. Great personal values that are read daily will uplift and motivate you to take on the day’s challenge. Sometimes it can help to reflect on your personal values while enjoying nature such as a walk or run on one of the many trails in Palos Verdes.
  • Be part of a growing contribution and choose work and community activities that bring you fulfillment and success.

Keep in mind that values should be long lasting; this is about creating your future. Expect that your values will evolve as you grow, mature and gain life experience. This is not about following the latest fad. If you expect a personal core value to change next week, it likely isn’t a top core value.

Next blog post we’ll discuss how to define or redefine our core values.

Additional empowerment on defining your core values is found in my book Uber Empowerment available on Amazon.

 

Posted in Achievements, Authentic Self, Empowerment, Freedom, Goals, Independence, Inner Wisdom, Inspiration, Mind-Set, Success, Values | Leave a Comment »

Find Perfection in Imperfection

August 11, 2011

While sitting on the patio at Chez Melange in Redondo Beach, my friend and I discussed how wonderful it feels to know you did your best at something—even if the outcome may not have been ultra-perfect.

Some of us are perfectionists. We strive for perfection in every area of our lives, including our hair, grades and relationships, as well as in areas we may not even be interested in. We may even compare ourselves to others we see as flawless to the point where we might find ourselves trying to top their achievements.

Sometimes we tend to allow our self-imposed perfectionism to carry over to those around us. When we expect zero mistakes, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Leaving some room for error or improvement allows us to take on enough challenging endeavors and avoid disappointment. We can still set high standards for ourselves and we should; however, we can create unnecessary stress when we are hyper-critical of mistakes in ourselves and others.

Many times, we’ve had teachers, mentors, family members or leaders with dictatorial styles and high standards, creating unrealistic ideals that encouraged perfectionism. Failure to live up to these ideals may have caused us to develop a sense of inadequacy, which makes us want to try harder to prove ourselves through actions and accomplishments.

Nevertheless, we can change our perspective to one of demanding perfection to one of knowing we did the best we could at something that held great meaning to us. The latter is an empowering feeling—knowing we gave something our all while not quitting too soon or giving up. Perhaps the outcome wasn’t what we had hoped for, but we know deep inside that we did our 100 percent best to reach a goal that was very meaningful to us.

Here are some tips to overcome perfectionism:

  • Be aware of your motivations for perfectionism. Look back in your life and try to identify incidents that contributed to shaping your perfectionist mentality. Did someone pressure you to be perfect in all your endeavors? Is it because people underestimated your abilities and you felt you needed to prove yourself? Is it because you attach your sense of self-worth to the results of your actions? Whatever the reasons are, become aware of them, recognize them and understand that these do not define who you are.
  • Continue to hold your ideals and set high standards for yourself. These serve as goal markers, results and motivation sources. The goals are not the problem—it’s the attachment to the goals that can create stress. Accept your goals as directions to work towards and not absolutes that you need to achieve. This way, it does not matter if you do not reach the ideals because they are not who you are or who you should be.
  • Let go of negative thoughts. Are you beating yourself over something that could have been better? Stop. You did what you could within that particular context. Focus on what can be done. Forget about mistakes that were made in the past that you cannot do anything about. Learn from them and move on; obsessing over them does not change anything at all. Realize that the time you spend thinking about your mistakes actually takes you away from time that you can be spending on more productive things instead. Stop worrying about things that are not within your locus of control, such as the future or perceptions by others.
  • Delegate and let go. Have faith in other people’s abilities. If they do not seem to be doing a particular task correctly, teach and help them instead of taking over entirely. ñ Find ways to lighten it up and learn to laugh at yourself. Keep your life in balance by participating in fun recreational activities, do not deprive your social gatherings or time off from work.
  • Celebrate progress. Acknowledge everything that you do, regardless of the outcome. Celebrate your victories when they come along—you have rightfully earned them!

Remember, our imperfections fit us perfectly and make us unique humans.

Find more Inspiration in my Uber Empowerment books available on Amazon.

Posted in Achievements, Authentic Self, Empowerment, Inner Wisdom, Inspiration, Mind-Set, Perfection, Success | 1 Comment »

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